Wednesday, February 09, 2005

JFK the Sequel - Part Three: Act One, Scene One

A helicopter shot tracks a lonesome stretch of road through the countryside; we see an opulent mansion, and zoom in lower and tighter. A limousine is pulling up. A servant opens the door, and out steps Johnnie Cochran, who climbs the mansion stairs and greets the butler with a jovial slap on the back.

"Mr. Cochran, so good to see you - Mr. Zuniga has been waiting."

Cochran looks at the masterful paintings lining the walls - there are original Picassos, Rembrandts, an autographed photo of Susan Sontag - and lets out a whistle. Suddenly, a door at the end of the foyer opens, and out steps Markos 'The Daily Kos' Zuniga. He rushes to Cochran and they embrace.

"Kos, my man, this is some spread. Shillin' for Dean must really pay well."

Markos stares at Cochran as if insulted, then breaks up laughing. "Let's just say Howard remembers his friends. All that campaign cash had to go SOMEWHERE. Come in, sit, have a cocktail."

They enter the door into a study, sit down, and the butler rolls out a keg of Lucky Lager. He works the pump vigorously, then pours a foamy cup for each of these two intellectual titans.

"Ahhhh...that's good brew. I called you, Johnnie, because we have an opportunity; an opportunity to undo a great unjustice; an opportunity to make this world a better place; an opportunity to THROW OFF THE SHACKLES OF THIS POLICE STATE ONCE AND FOR ALL!" Zuniga crashes his fist down on his knee, then winces, in obvious pain.

"I'm with you, Kos, you know I'd do anything to get out of this hell of wealth and privilege...but what can I do?"

"Johnnie, I know you've been keeping up with the work of our pal Alterman. Eric's found the Holy Grail, so to speak, in a secular sense of the word, of course. This long lost document has revealed the 'original' Eleventh Amendment, what would have been the crowning touch to the Bill of Rights - 'A reality-based community being the ideal to strive for, no vote shall be counted that is cast by any religious nut-job or Jesus freak'. Johnnie, this is it; we'll get that fascist Bush and his neocon (not that there's anything wrong with that - some of my best friends are neocons) brownshirts out of the White House and into Gitmo where they belong!" A large gob of spit flies out of Zuniga's mouth as he finishes his rant.

A lightbulb goes off over Cochran's head (literally - Zuniga has forgotten to pay the electric bill). As Cochran's eyes adjust to the darkness, he says: "And you want me to argue that this makes the 2004 election null and void!!! Brilliant..."

"Oh, but there's more, see our operative Gavin Newsom has just ruled that the Massachusetts Supreme Court trumps all other jurisdictional authorities! Rehnquist is too weak to fight us - they arm wrestled over it and Newsom beat him decisively. We've practically won already."

"Let me see that ruling..." Cochran compares the newer document to the lost fragment of the Constitution. "You know, these look like they came off the same printer - and this Constitution fragment is proportionally spaced! In Times New Roman font! And look at the watermark - it says 'Kinko's'!"

"No worries, Johnnie - I sent the document to Dan Rather, and his experts took a good look at it - it's authentic, all right...but I gotta know, Johnnie, are you with me, old friend?"

"Kos, wild horses couldn't keep me out of that courtroom - not even a crazed ex-football player with a knife could stop me!"

The Kos and Cochran sit in the dark, thinking, dreaming, as the butler once again works the pump on the keg...


JFK the Sequel - Cast and Crew
JFK the Sequel - Part Two: Prologue and Opening Credits

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